did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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