I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
