i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
