No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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