Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she woke up with a sticky ear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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