ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
