While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
