We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
