its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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