My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
