this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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