you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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