The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
