I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
