we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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