I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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