look no pants
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
