how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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