FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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