remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
