i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
