Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
