there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.