yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep