She said her name was "party"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"