Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.