I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.