My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants