so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode