the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father