bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
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She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.