there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
