youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
