Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
