Michael Bay diarrhea
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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