just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
