We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
