when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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