first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
