do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i love accidental penises.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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