I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
