America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
