i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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