I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His nipple licking is glorious
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