I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
