I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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