fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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