Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
