Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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