Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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