i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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