here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
