He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
