the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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