i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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