He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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