just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
