Swine flu. Run for my life!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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