you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
