I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
