ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
