i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
