You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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