I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
