as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
