I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
