I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
