i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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